


Under the Veil of Darkness

by thevalesofanduin



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fili's sad, Pre-Relationship, Sigrid is a sweetheart, but a bit awkward, mentioned thoughts of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2014-12-11
Packaged: 2018-03-01 02:42:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2756585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thevalesofanduin/pseuds/thevalesofanduin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She went outside to get some air, to escape the crowd in the banquet hall.</p><p>She never thought she would end up getting to know Erebor's king much better in just a few minutes. Nor did she expected to ever share one of her most painful memories with him. Yet here she was, defying her own expectations.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Under the Veil of Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> So, funny story... I thought I'd write my original zombie novel during nano. Funny thing? All I ended up writing was fanfiction!
> 
> I've also fallen head over heels for this pairing! Normally I'm more attracted to slash pairings but OMG these two are just adorable together! I've started about 4 different fics with them and although not all will see the light of day I love writing about them...
> 
> Hope you like it too :D

Sigrid breathes a sigh of relief when she walks out onto the balcony, leaving the bustling and warm banquet hall of Erebor behind her in favor of some fresh air.

It’s good fun inside and she’s had a dance with Bofur, who never ceases to make her laugh. But now she’s the daughter of the lord of Dale and many of the guests treat her so out of respect or because they want something. Marriage one of those things and before fleeing outside she was afraid she’d actually resort to bodily harm when someone else would ask for her hand again.

So while she knows that her presence is to be required inside soon again at this important party celebrating the treaty now between Erebor and Dale, she’s happy to be outside.

 

“Good evening, lady Sigrid.”

She startles, jumps even and her eyes snap to her right straight away. She’s stunned to find Fili standing at the railing of the balcony, looking at her with an amused frown.

“M-my lord!” She curtsies awkwardly for Fili, king of Erebor. She realizes belatedly she’s probably interrupted him, no matter what he was doing and immediately apologizes. “My apologies for interrupting you. I didn’t know anyone would be out here let alone –” She bites her tongue for letting the words fall out of her mouth like that and hopes he hasn’t heard.

Of course he has.

His brows draw together into a frown and he pushes himself away from the railing, shoulders tight and arms crossed in front of his chest. “Let alone me?”

Sigrid isn’t sure how he sounds. If it’s disappointment or anger but she feels guilty for having opened her mouth nonetheless. She never meant to hurt him with her inconsiderate words. “Let alone the king of Erebor himself. I hate to interrupt any time you have to yourself.” She explains and hopes he takes at least some comfort in her apologetic words.

But Fili’s face falls, from insulted to sad and he turns to look at the sky with a heavy sigh. “That’s what I am now, aren’t I?” He wonders out loud. “King.” He adds, his voice bitter and eyes sad.

Sigrid is stunned for a moment, doesn’t know what to say. Whenever she sees Fili he is always smiling, always has his head raised up high wearing his crown with pride. She never would’ve guessed that he wasn’t happy with it.

Fili sighs heavily when Sigrid doesn’t reply and dejectedly he says: “I ought to go back inside, I’m sure there are people waiting to talk to me.”

“I’m sure they can wait.” Sigrid is quick to say. She offers him a small smile. She might not understand his full burden, or even a part of it, but she does know what it’s like to be caught in a life you never wished you had. “Even a king deserves a moment to himself, doesn’t he?” She asks him.

Fili seems to brighten at her words. He looks less burdened and when he laughs it seems like he’s lost years. “Indeed.” He agrees and turns his eyes to her, which now are lit with a joyful spark. “Would you spend that moment with me, my lady?”

She resists the urge to gasp and pushes down the thought that _the king of Erebor wishes to spend time with me!_ For Fili right now probably doesn’t want to be king, she thinks. So she won’t treat him as one.

“Sigrid, if it’s all the same to you.” She says and pulls up her nose a bit with a wry smile. “I hardly feel like a lady most of the time, especially since I’ve hardly been raised one.” She adds and doesn’t realize exactly what she’s said until the light in Fili’s eyes dims and his smile falls.

“You too?” Fili asks and his voice is almost heartbroken. He swallows and clenches his hands into fists. “It’s almost unfair, isn’t it? We’ve been raised like the poor, no status and no power, always wishing to be amongst the royals that had everything we didn’t have. And now that we have it… we are left wanting less.”

Sigrid gasps, she can’t help it for Fili is right. She now has everything she ever wanted – aside from her mother by her side, but that’s not going to happen – and it’s not good enough. It’s not what she expected at all and very disappointing. “Perhaps we ought to get used to it.”

“Perhaps,” Fili says but it’s very obvious that he doesn’t believe that. “But I can’t help but feel as if I’m in the wrong place. The wrong position.” He shakes his head with an empty, humorless laugh. “I shouldn’t be wearing this crown.” 

Sigrid lowers her eyes. Why she didn’t see before, she doesn’t understand but suddenly she understands Fili’s pain. Sees it laid down bare in front of her, in the tears lingering in his eyes and in the shaking of his hands. She wishes to comfort him, offer him kind words that will hopefully soothe his soul for he carries too much pain for his age.

But she hesitates for too long, unused to comforting someone she doesn’t know that well, and he speaks before she can even think of a proper reply.

“Sometimes, when it all becomes too much I leave the mountain. Go outside.” He starts and when Sigrid looks at him she sees his eyes directed up at the sky with a sad smile lingering on his lips. “I look up at the sky and wonder when my time will come.” He adds, voice a bare whisper.

But there is hardly any noise and Sigrid hears. Oh, she hears! And it breaks her heart to hear those words, to hear Fili – so young and from what she knows, with such a promising future – utter the wish to die.

“Not soon, I hope.” She says and takes a step closer to Fili without really thinking about it. Her hands itch to take his into hers.

Fili’s head snaps to her, his eyes wide and hopeful almost. It’s as if he needs a reason to stay alive. And Sigrid is to give it to him. “Truly? How so?”

What does she say? Sigrid thinks in a moment of panic. She doesn’t know Fili all that well – she wishes she did, but that hardly matters at the moment. So what can she say to offer him some peace? She takes a deep breath and hopes her words are enough for someone who has lost as much as Fili has. “I don’t know you that well, but you seem like a kind and generous king. If you are to die, who will take reign over Erebor?”

“My mother.” Fili says quickly, off-handedly with a shrug.

Sigrid huffs and puts her hands on her hips. “You think she will be able to accept she’s lost both her sons? No woman is that strong.” She shakes her head. She can’t comfort him with a hug, even though she wishes to it doesn’t seem appropriate for she’s not close to Fili. But she hopes her words at least make him realize that his life is valuable. “She needs you, Fili. _Your people_ need you.”

Fili swallows and closes his eyes for a moment.

Sigrid doesn’t know what’s going through his mind, but she knows it can’t be easy.

Then, he lets out a shuddering breath. “I know.” He says and for a moment raises his eyes to the sky. “I just… I need them, too. I can’t do this by myself.”

Sigrid swallows. This, she knows. The feeling of losing someone and thinking life just can’t go on without them anymore. To feel as if you carry the weight upon your shoulders and you’re ready to collapse.

She _knows_. And she fears where it might lead Fili if he’s left to run his course. Where it might lead Erebor…

“Have you told your mother?” She asks.

“Of course not.” Fili says, shaking his head although he has a frown on his face. He sighs heavily. “She’s grieving.” He says, as if that’s all the explanation needed.

Sigrid shakes her head. “As are you. Mayhap you can find comfort in one another.” She says.

Fili looks doubtful, ready to argue and that’s when Sigrid decides to share her own painful memories, for they are certain to help Fili more than any other words she can offer.

She takes a deep breath before she begins, hoping that her emotions won’t get the better of her. “When Ma died… Da distanced himself from us. He hardly spoke at all and never about Ma. It drew a rift between our family. I felt I could not talk to him anymore, Bain started to get into trouble and Tilda was just sad all the time. It was then that Da took the job as bargeman. I think going up and down to the elf kingdom gave him an escape. To not be in our house anymore, where everything and everyone reminded him of Ma. Things didn’t go well after that.”

Fili’s looking at her with sadness in his eyes and it’s obvious he understands the pain behind her words. “But when we were at your house, even now, things seem fine. Did something happen?” He asks, hesitant and careful like he doesn’t know if he should ask but wants to know the answer either way.

Sigrid is too caught up in her emotions and memories to be relieved for that. She laughs, un-amused at the memory that changed things between them. “Oh, something happened all right. The entire town spoke of it for weeks, I believe.” She shook her head. “Tilda was being bullied by some children. It was nothing big, just teasing but with the situation at home she was hardly stable emotionally. So she burst out crying and that’s how Bain found her. He got into a huge fight, he had so much anger inside of him and it just needed to get out. Eventually the guards came and he was bruised and battered when they dropped Tilda and him off on our doorstep. Da, of course, got mad at him and said…” She swallows, still finding it hard to think of that night. “Said Bain had gotten out of control after Ma died. It’s… Bain didn’t say anything and even Tilda stopped crying. I think they were shocked, you know? But I just got so angry, so upset that Da blamed us for this. So I told Da it was his fault. That he was never there so what were we supposed to do? Told him it would’ve been better if he’d gone instead of Ma.” Her voice is soft, hitched and squeaky and she pauses for a moment to get her emotions under control.

Fili is still looking at her, his eyes soft with understanding and she turns her head away. “Let’s just say it started with a lot of shouting and ended with a lot of crying. Things changed after that. Da kept the job but he was home more, we talked and even though it took a while we were finally a family again. But it’s just…” She trails off with a sigh and looks at Fili again with a smile, sad yet genuine and she sees in his eyes he’ll take her advice to heart. “Don’t let it get that far. You have a lot more at stake than just the relationship with your mother.”

Fili nods and looks to the balcony doors, behind which the party is still going. He sighs, but it’s not as sad and burdened as it was before. “You’re right. Besides, I doubt they’d want things to turn out that way.” He says and chuckles. “Uncle would come back from death, I think, to hit me over the head.”

Sigrid can’t help but giggle, both out of amusement and out of nervousness. It’s good, she thinks, that Fili feels better. She just hopes she doesn’t have to have a conversation like this any time soon again. 

She raises her eyes and finds Fili looking at her, his eyes curious.

She coughs awkwardly being under such a scrutinizing gaze and asks: “Shall we go back inside?”

“Not yet.” Fili shakes his head and takes a step closer to her. He seems nervous, awkward and he sounds so grateful when he says: “I want to thank you first. Your words, they meant a lot to me.”

“You’re welcome.” Sigrid blushes slightly at the tenderness in Fili’s tone.

“But I wonder why.” Fili asks and he’s a bit more cautious and guarded now, like he dreads the answer.

 _I could hardly let you throw yourself off of the balcony._ Sigrid thinks. But they aren’t the right words to say. They’re not the words she wants to say. So instead, she gets her courage together and admits: “I’d hate to lose the opportunity to get to know you better.”

Fili gasps, his eyes widening slightly at her words. It’s most likely not the words he had expected and Sigrid suddenly feels like a fool for having uttered them.

But then Fili reaches out, takes her small, slender hand in his much bigger and stronger hand and he strokes his thumb over her knuckles. “I’d hate to have lost that chance, too.” His voice is a soft, gentle tremor and his eyes twinkle like the stars.

And in the darkness of the night, Sigrid and Fili share a gentle smile and a silent promise.

One day, they will know each other better.


End file.
